18: Chapter 18 In-depth Exchange, Bearing Secrets

Chen Xuan finished chewing the last bite of pastry, set aside the greased paper, and casually picked up his teacup, blowing gently on it.

A few lotus seeds floated on the tea's surface, its color a blend of green and yellow, tasting slightly bitter with a sweet aftertaste.

He wasn't in a hurry to speak, just staring at Liu Ruyan's hands. Those hands had been steady while playing the zither earlier, but now they were unconsciously rubbing the rim of the teacup, over and over.

"I remembered what you said earlier—that not a single lamp was lit for me."

His voice wasn't loud, as if mentioned offhandedly, but everyone in the cabin heard it clearly.

Liu Ruyan looked up at him, a smile still lingering at the corner of her mouth, but her eyes had darkened.

"I'm not here to dig up your secrets."

Chen Xuan put down his cup and leaned forward half an inch. "It's just that someone like you shouldn't have to live wearing a mask all the time.

Yesterday, no matter how sweetly you smiled on the flower cart, the crowd below was just there for the spectacle. No one knew if you were tired.

Today's piece, 'Journey Through Misty Rain'—the first half was to please others, but the second half was truly for yourself."

Zhao Hongling pursed her lips. "Why do you talk so much? Whether she wants to say it or not, are you forcing her to bare her heart?"

"I'm not forcing her."

Chen Xuan waved his hand. "I'm just sitting here, waiting for when she wants to speak."

Leng Shuang crossed her arms, her gaze fixed on the river surface, her tone indifferent. "Some people never open up in their entire lives."

"Then they'll keep it bottled up forever." Chen Xuan shrugged. "But once they do speak, it's usually because the person opposite makes them feel it's okay to say it."

Dugu Xue didn't speak, her fingers lightly resting on her sword hilt, her knuckles slightly pale.

Liu Ruyan lowered her head, her fingertips pausing on the cup's rim. After a long while, she whispered, "I... wasn't born to be a courtesan."

As these words left her mouth, even the wind seemed to quiet for a moment.

She didn't look at anyone, only staring at her own reflection in the tea.

"When I was six, I was brought from the north to Jiangnan. The one who brought me was an old nanny. She said I was an orphan, sold into this place.

But I remember my mother. I remember the blue cloth skirt she wore, and I remember what she said when she hid me behind the firewood pile: 'Don't make a sound. If they come, I'll take you away.'"

She paused, her voice dropping even lower. "That night, someone broke down the door. I hid in the firewood pile, heard the sounds of fighting, and then my mother's scream.

After that, I knew nothing. When I woke up, I was already on a boat, heading south along the canal."

Silence filled the cabin.

Zhao Hongling slowly loosened her grip on the hem of her skirt, opened her mouth, but ultimately said nothing.

Leng Shuang turned her face slightly, glanced at Liu Ruyan, and her brow twitched almost imperceptibly.

"After that, I grew up in Drunken Fragrance Pavilion." Liu Ruyan continued. "Learning the zither, learning to dance, learning how to smile in a way that captivates. When I turned eighteen, I became Jiangnan's top courtesan.

Everyone says I live in endless glory, but I know I didn't survive until today just to become a courtesan.

I've just... been waiting for an answer all along."

"Whose child you are, right?" Chen Xuan asked.

"I don't know who my parents are, nor do I know who killed my mother that year.

And I don't know why I was the one taken away."

She finally looked up at Chen Xuan. "I've never told these things to a second person. Not even my closest maid. Because here, those who know too much often don't live long."

"So you've been pretending all along." Chen Xuan said.

"Yes."

She smiled bitterly. "Pretending to be that Liu Ruyan, adored by thousands, carefree. But the higher I'm lifted, the more afraid I am of falling.

Because I know clearly, the day I'm no longer beautiful, no longer able to smile, those who once surrounded me will turn around and trample me."

"Then why are you telling me now?" Chen Xuan looked directly into her eyes.

"Because you're different."

Her voice was very soft. "Others who see the courtesan either fawn over me or pretend to be aloof.

But you? You don't flatter me, nor do you belittle me. You just look at me as if you can see beneath the surface.

You said I truly smiled when I looked back at you last night. You said I want freedom but can't leave... I didn't even dare to make these things so clear to myself."

Chen Xuan grinned. "I've always been straightforward with my words."

"But it's a straightforwardness that puts people at ease." She finally showed a genuinely sincere smile. "At least on this boat, at this moment, I feel I can speak some truth."

"Then what do you plan to do next?"

"I don't know. There are too few clues. I only know I'm from the north, but I have no idea exactly where.

My memory of that night is also hazy. I've tried checking the boat records from that year and asked people to inquire about missing children in the north over the years, but it all came to nothing."

"The north?" Zhao Hongling couldn't help interjecting. "You mean the northern border?"

"Possibly." Liu Ruyan looked at her. "Do you know about that area?"

"I've heard there's a lot of warfare there, with people displaced." Zhao Hongling frowned. "But if you're looking for family, the scope is too vast."

"You don't necessarily have to go to the northern border." Chen Xuan stroked his chin. "Some things don't require a personal trip.

There are plenty of well-informed people in the Jianghu. As long as you're willing to investigate, you can always find a way."

"But my identity is sensitive."

Liu Ruyan smiled bitterly. "A courtesan suddenly inquiring about her origins could easily invite trouble. What if it involves people I shouldn't touch..."

"Then investigate under a different identity."

Chen Xuan said bluntly. "You don't need to show yourself. I can make the trip for you."

The three others in the cabin looked up simultaneously.

Leng Shuang turned around, crossing her arms. "Are you meddling in others' affairs again?"

"This isn't meddling." Chen Xuan looked at Liu Ruyan. "A person who doesn't even know who they are—no matter how glorious their life seems, it's empty. If I can help, why not?"

"What are you after?" Zhao Hongling stared at him. "There's no such thing as free help in this world."

"I want peace of mind." He smiled. "Besides, aren't we friends now? When a friend is in trouble, lending a hand is normal, isn't it?"

"Friends?" Liu Ruyan murmured the word, her eyes suddenly growing slightly warm.

"Right."

Chen Xuan nodded. "If you don't trust me, at least trust me as a person. I'm not the type to make promises and forget them. As long as you're willing to walk this path, I'll accompany you."

Liu Ruyan was stunned.

She had seen too many people make promises to her, sweet words pouring out, only to vanish without a trace.

But this man before her, dressed in plain martial attire, speaking with a hint of roguishness, had offered to accompany her on her journey after she revealed just half a secret.

"Thank you..." Her voice trembled slightly. "This is the first time I've felt someone could understand my difficulties."

For a moment, no one in the cabin spoke.

The river breeze passed through the gauze curtains, rustling the tassels in the corner. Sunlight slanted in, casting a bright strip of light on the floor.

The fragrance of tea still lingered. The zither had been returned to its sheath. The entire painted boat floated quietly on the water, as if time had slowed.

Leng Shuang turned her head to look out the window, unconsciously tapping her fingers against the window frame.

Zhao Hongling lowered her head, fiddling with the silk ribbon at her waist, her fingers twisting the knot back and forth, each twist more forceful than the last.

Dugu Xue still sat, her hand resting on her sword hilt, but the tension in her shoulders eased slightly.

She glanced at Chen Xuan, then at Liu Ruyan, and finally gave a slight nod.

"If you truly want to investigate, I can help keep an eye out for news from the northern border."

She spoke, her voice cool but not sharp. "I have some old connections there. They might uncover some clues."

"I can help too!" Zhao Hongling immediately chimed in. "My family has extensive connections in the capital. Checking household registries or old cases won't be difficult!"

Leng Shuang snorted coldly. "You're all so eager to help."

"Weren't you the one who followed all the way from the northern border to here?" Chen Xuan smiled at her. "It shows your heart isn't made of iron either."

Leng Shuang glared at him and turned away without a word, but the corner of her mouth twitched, and in the end, she didn't refuse.

Liu Ruyan looked at them, a glimmer of light flashing in her eyes.

She didn't speak again, only lowered her head to take a sip of tea. Amid the rising steam, her face showed a long-absent ease.

Chen Xuan leaned back in his chair and stretched. "Alright, it's settled then.

For now, focus on being the courtesan. Don't worry about anything else. When there's news, I'll tell you first."

"But won't you... be in danger?" she asked hesitantly.

"I have a tough life. Besides, if something really happens, these three won't just stand by and watch, right?"

Zhao Hongling rolled her eyes. "Can't you ever be serious?"

"I am serious."

Chen Xuan raised three fingers with a straight face. "Serious about eating, serious about fighting, and serious about helping friends."

Leng Shuang finally couldn't hold back and let out a soft snort.

Dugu Xue shook her head. "That mouth of yours will get you into trouble sooner or later."

"Trouble doesn't scare me." Chen Xuan stood up and walked to the window. "At worst, we'll face it together."

The river surface shimmered with ripples. In the distance, a fishing boat rowed past, shouts carried by the wind. The painted boat swayed gently, as if cradled by the water, moving slowly forward.

Liu Ruyan watched his back, her fingers lightly brushing the teacup. She said softly, "Chen Xuan... if one day, the truth I discover is heavy, even dangerous for you, would you still be willing to walk this path with me?"

He turned around, his smile unchanged. "That depends on whether you want to keep walking. As long as you haven't stopped, I won't back out first."

She looked at him for a long time, the corners of her mouth gradually lifting.

This time, her smile was free of burden.