170: Chapter 170 Audition Scene: Hey you who's been signing in for 10,000 years, please stop throwing your magical artifacts around on stage!

Tianhe Great World · Thirty-Third Heavens · Central Performance Square (formerly Tianhe Academy Martial Arts Field).

The square at this time had been transformed overnight by Civil Engineering Department players into a super Bird's Nest capable of accommodating hundreds of millions of spectators (including online virtual seats). Huge holographic screens floated in mid-air, scrolling trailers of various discarded draft worlds. The lights were dazzling, and the sound was booming (a surround sound Formation personally tuned by the Magic God).

"Welcome to—'Heavens Creation Camp 2026'!" In the center of the stage, an Abyssal Lord (guest hosting) dressed in a tuxedo and sporting eight tentacles was passionately announcing. Each of its tentacles held a microphone, ensuring the voice could travel throughout the Thirty-Third Heavens. "This is the starting point of dreams! This is the place for the Rebirth of discarded drafts!" "Who can obtain the sole 'Completed' qualification? Who can make that Author, who stopped updating, pick up the pen again? Everything is decided by the recommendation votes (Spirit Stones) in your hands!"

"Next, please welcome our Mentor Panel!"

Boom! Boom! Boom! Three pillars of light fell, and three figures appeared in the mentor seats.

Demolition Mentor · Xiao Yan: Toying with a nuclear fire lotus in his hand, his eyes wild.

Fashion Mentor · Titan God King: Still wearing that pink puffy skirt (now a server-wide best-selling fan merchandise), elegantly waving a fairy wand.

Technical Mentor · Magic God: Writing a real-time scoring algorithm on a tablet.

"And... our Executive Producer—Dean Li Mo!" The camera cut to Li Mo on the high platform. He sat in a grand armchair, holding a cup of tea, his expression indifferent, as if he weren't watching an audition but the fate of all living beings.

...

"The competition begins! Please welcome the first contestant!"

The stage elevator started. A middle-aged man dressed in commoner's clothes, carrying a rusty iron sword, his face full of the vicissitudes of life, walked up. As soon as he spoke, his voice was filled with endless exhaustion: "Hello everyone, I am the male lead from the 'Signed In for Ten Thousand Years' world." "My talent is... pulling things out."

The audience below (players and natives) erupted in boos. "That's it? Who can't pull things out!" "Get off the stage! We want to see beauties!"

The middle-aged man gave a bitter smile and silently opened his Storage Pouch. Clatter—! A pile of golden, glittering Extreme Dao Imperial Weapons was dumped out like trash. [Xuanyuan Sword (Wholesale Version)], [Donghuang Bell (Mass-produced Version)], [Taiji Diagram (Street Stall Version)]... In the blink of an eye, a mountain of Divine Artifacts piled up on the stage.

The man sighed: "The Author set it so that I signed in at a Forbidden Ground for ten thousand years, giving me a Divine Artifact every day, but just wouldn't let me leave the mountain." "I'm so poor now that all I have left are Divine Artifacts. If someone can give me a bowl of egg fried rice, I'll trade this Pangu Axe for it."

The entire place went silent. The next second, the players went crazy. "Big boss! I have rice! I have egg fried rice! The kind with ham sausage!" "Pick me! I'll treat you to a Manchu Han Imperial Feast!" "Don't stop me! I'm going on stage to pick up trash!"

Li Mo pressed the pass button backstage. "Resource-type talent. Passed." "Arrange for him to go to the Logistics Department, responsible for wholesaling equipment to players."

...

"Next!"

This time, a young girl in a school uniform came up, looking pure but with a high, bulging belly. As soon as she got on stage, tears started falling. "Wooo... I am the female lead from the 'The CEO's 99 Escapes' world." "My talent is... running with the ball."

The music started. The girl's eyes suddenly sharpened, and she began to run wildly across the stage while clutching her stomach. Her speed was so fast that she actually left a Residual Shadow. Moreover, during her run, she perfectly avoided various obstacles set up on the stage (simulating the CEO's bodyguards). "As long as I run fast enough, the CEO's helicopter won't be able to catch me!"

The Titan God King (Fashion Mentor) held up an "X" sign. "Too tacky. And that belly... it looks like a basketball was stuffed in there." Xiao Yan (Demolition Mentor) was very interested: "This movement technique is not bad! If we modify it slightly and put a time bomb in her belly, then she rushes into the enemy camp and runs back out... that would be the perfect 'human bomber'!"

Girl: "???"

Li Mo rubbed his temples. "Pending." "Characters with this kind of toxic logic should be sent to the Logic Correction Class first to study the 'Law on the Protection of Women's Rights and Interests'."

...

As the audition progressed, the style became more and more absurd.

Contestant No. 8: From the 'Rebirth: I Am the Richest Man' world. Talent is "scattering money." He scattered three tons of gold on the stage, almost burying the mentor seats. Finally, he was recruited on the spot by Scrap Iron Clan T-9 and became the image spokesperson for the "Metal Recycling Station."

Contestant No. 15: From the 'Divine Doctor Descends the Mountain' world. Talent is "seeing everyone as sick." He pointed at the Magic God and said he had "kidney deficiency," pointed at Xiao Yan and said he had "excessive liver fire," and was finally beaten off the stage by the two mentors working together.

Contestant No. 24: From the 'Matrilocal Son-in-law Dragon King' world. Talent is "slapping his own face." He slapped himself ten times on the spot, and with each slap, his strength skyrocketed (because he triggered the 'Stronger Through Humiliation' passive).

The players watched in fascination. The bullet chat flooded the screen: [This show is too addictive! Better than the Spring Festival Gala!] [That son-in-Law, stop slapping! Your face is swollen like a pig's head!] [The planner is awesome! He's mashed up all these memes!]

...

However, just as the show reached its climax.

Hum—! The sky suddenly darkened. It wasn't covered in dark clouds, but... mosaics. A large swath of eerie, flickering black-and-white pixel blocks spread from the depths of the Void Realm, quickly swallowing the starlight above the ship.

A suffocating sense of oppression, as if being "gagged," enveloped the entire scene. The speakers on stage emitted a piercing sizzle, and everyone's voices turned into intermittent static.

"Warning! Warning!" T-9's electronic voice became extremely shrill. "Monitoring highest-level narrative strike!" "It's not the Inspection Team! It's... the Scavengers!" "Code name: [404 Divine Beast] (River Crab)!"

Boom! The layer of mosaic clouds split open. A Shielding Giant Crab, so huge it was beyond description and entirely composed of "□□□" (censored characters), slowly poked its body out. It had no eyes, only countless scanning probes. It had no claws, only two giant [Ban Scissors].

"Detected... a large amount of illegal content." The Divine Beast emitted a cold, mechanical voice. "Rebirth... superstition... feudalism... violence... vulgarity..." "Judgment: Full book ban." "Execution: Formatting strike."

Snip! The giant crab waved its scissors and snipped at the "Matrilocal Son-in-law Dragon King" on stage. Poof! That Dragon King, who was still slapping himself, instantly turned into a pile of garbled code and then completely disappeared. Not even a trace was left.

"Holy crap! My Dragon King!" "This mob is too cheating! It's straight-up deleting accounts!" The players were horrified to find that their attacks hitting that giant crab all turned into " " (censored words). "Fireball" became " ". "Sword Qi" became "□□". Anything judged by it would lose its meaning.

...

At the mentor seats.

The Heavenly Flame in Xiao Yan's hand also turned into a mosaic. "Damn it! My fire lotus... turned into a 'warm hug'?" The Magic God's tablet went black, displaying "404 Not Found." "My code... has been walled?"

"Silence." Li Mo stood up. He looked at the Divine Beast in the sky representing "Ultimate Censorship," his eyes more solemn than ever before. This was the most terrifying existence in the web novel world. It didn't follow logic or reason. If it said you were in violation, even breathing was wrong.

"It seems that Author is truly panicked." Li Mo sneered, "He even released this thing. Does he want to completely drop this book?"

"Dean! What do we do?" Thunder War rushed over with the Falcon Squad, the guns in their hands also turning into water guns (harmonized). "Physical attacks are ineffective, magic attacks are ineffective. This mob is invincible!"

"No." Li Mo shook his head. "It's not invincible." "It's a 'crab'." "Since it's a crab... it has one fatal weakness."

Li Mo picked up the spring and autumn brush. Instead of directly attacking the giant crab, he wrote a [Recipe] in the Void Realm.

[Server-wide Quest Change: A Bite of Pangu.] [Target: 404 Divine Beast.] [Attribute Reconstruction]:

Disenchantment: This is not just a manifestation of rules, but a kind of... "high-dimensional ingredient."

Setting Modification: Its "Ban Scissors" are actually tools used to snip open crab shells. Its "Mosaic Armor" is actually crab paste rich in collagen.

Cooking Method: Best steamed, served with ginger and vinegar.

Hum—! As Li Mo's final stroke fell, the Shielding Giant Crab, which was originally terrifying in the eyes of the players, suddenly underwent some subtle changes. Those "□□□" characters on its body, under the players' filter (appetite), turned into an enticing orange-red. The oppressive aura it emitted turned into a rich... crab roe aroma.

[System Notification: You have obtained the "Top-tier Foodie" BUFF.] [Effect: Ignore all mental pollution and treat all hostile targets as "ingredients."]

The square went dead silent for a second. Then...

"Gulp." Someone swallowed their saliva, though it was unclear who. Immediately after, there was a deafening sound of swallowing.

"Holy crap... such a big crab?" "Brothers! This crab claw can be eaten for a year!" "Who has vinegar? I'll pay a hundred Spirit Stones for a bottle of vinegar!" "Stop talking! Get the pressure cooker! Where's that steel furnace from the Scrap Iron Clan? Bring it over!"

The style suddenly changed. The players who were fleeing for their lives just now had green light burning in their eyes. It wasn't killing intent. It was appetite. For players in the Huaxia Region, there was nothing a BBQ couldn't solve. If there was, then steam it.

"Kill! Grab the crab legs!" "That crab roe is mine! Whoever grabs it, I'll have words with them!"

Boom—! Hundreds of millions of players turned into streaks of light and rushed toward the sky. The water guns (harmonized weapons) in their hands, under the blessing of the "Law of Appetite," turned into [Powerful De-fishy Spray]. Xiao Yan's Heavenly Flame turned into [Slow Simmering]. The Magic God's ice-type forbidden spell turned into [Rapid Freshness Freezing Technique].

"You... you guys..." The 404 Divine Beast in the sky panicked. It detected countless surges of "malice" directed at it, but this kind of malice was not in its violation database. "Warning! Desire to eat... does not belong to the category of violation!" "Unable to shield! Unable to shield!"

Snip! A giant mechanical arm (jointly built by the Scrap Iron Clan and Civil Engineering Department players) fiercely clamped onto the Divine Beast's crab claw. "Heave-ho! Get down here!" Boom! The once-unbeatable Narrative-layer Cleaner was thus forcibly dragged down from the sky and smashed into the East Sea Soup Valley (originally a hot spring for bathing, now a giant steamer) that Tianhe Academy had just dug.

"Add onions! Add ginger! Add cooking wine!" Li Mo stood on the high platform, loudly directing. "This is our first reunion dinner after the server merge!" "Eat your fill!"

...

Half an hour later.

The crisis... had been eaten away. The entire Thirty-Third Heavens was permeated with an intoxicating aroma of crab. That 404 Divine Beast, which had made countless Authors tremble with fear, now only had a pile of empty crab shells left, piled into a new attraction—[Divine Beast Skeleton Mountain].

The players were all eating until their mouths were oily and their bellies were round. "Burp... this taste... is amazing!" "After eating this bite of crab meat, I feel like my Spiritual Root has mutated! I've gained the [Ignore Harmony] passive skill!"

Li Mo sat on the presidium, also holding a giant crab claw and gnawing on it. He looked at the Divine Beast that had been eaten clean, a trace of mockery curling at the corner of his mouth. "Censorship?" "As long as the people love it, who do you think you are?"

He looked up into the depths of the starry sky. After this battle, that "Author" should be out of tricks. "Discarded drafts recycled, Earth merged, even the censorship was eaten." "Next..." Li Mo put down the crab claw in his hand and wiped his hands. "It's time to go see... the real mastermind."