96: Chapter 96 Abyss Scam Phone Call: People here are gullible and have lots of money, come quick!
Beneath the Scripture Pavilion, at the core of the Forbidden Ground.
This place was originally a death row prison used to incarcerate the Sect's most serious criminals, but it had now been transformed by Li Mo into a steampunk-style "server room." The floor was covered in complex Spiritual Qi circuits, and in the center of these circuits lay the "Ancient Teleportation Formation Maintenance Manual" that had been unearthed from the Great Zhou Dynasty's treasury.
"The principle is actually quite simple," Li Mo explained to Xiao Hei while tightening a screw on a Formation node with a screwdriver (forged from Spiritual Iron). "It's like a water pipe. Originally, the water pressure on the Abyss side was too high and our pipe was too thin, so the pipe would burst (creating space cracks). Now, I'm going to make a 'one-way valve.' It only allows entry, not exit, and anything coming in has to go through the 'shredder'... oh no, I mean 'preprocessing'."
Xiao Hei nodded as if he understood, his body shifting into the shape of a wrench to help Li Mo tighten the runes on the other side.
"Alright, the hardware modification is complete." Li Mo wiped the dust off his hands and turned his gaze to the ink bottle on the desk. Inside the bottle, the Abyssal scout, The Faceless One, was sitting in the corner with its knees hugged to its chest, trembling. Now, every time it saw Li Mo, it would reflexively recall those terrifying geometric figures.
"Come out, little guy." Li Mo opened the bottle cap, his tone as gentle as a human trafficker kidnapping a child. "I'm giving you a chance to perform a service and atone for your crimes."
The Faceless One poked its head out tremulously. "What... what do you want to do? I'm warning you, I am an Ancient God with dignity... unless you give me problems to solve."
"No problems today." Li Mo pulled a piece of scratch paper covered in scribbles (Abyssal Language) from his robe and handed it over. "The task now is simple. I want you to use your unique Abyssal communication channel to call your boss. Read according to this paper. Read it well, and you'll be spared; read it poorly... and I'll throw you into the sea of problems from the 'five-year simulation' and make you calculate Pi for ten thousand years."
The Faceless One glanced at the paper, and its originally pitch-black face instantly turned white with fear (even though it was black, it just turned white). The paper read: [This is Heaven! The human Cultivators are extremely weak and have no brains! The air is filled with sweet Spiritual Qi! Most importantly, that terrifying Administrator is dead! I have also seized the Administrator Privilege! Come quickly and divide the spoils!]
"This... this is a scam!" The Faceless One screamed. "The Abyssal Lord will kill me!"
"Whether he kills you or not, I don't know." Li Mo adjusted his glasses, the "Holy Sword of Physics" (an iron ruler) in his hand lightly tapping his palm. "But I do know that if you don't read it, I can make you experience the horror of 'repeating decimals' right now."
"I'll read it! I'll read it!" The Faceless One surrendered. Compared to the Abyssal Lord's wrath, it was more afraid of doing math problems for this pervert.
...
[Establishing cross-realm connection...] [Signal strengthening (using Li Mo's self-made Spiritual Qi Amplifier)...]
In the sky above the Northern Border, the mosaic light screen that had been in a "dial-up internet" state suddenly flickered. The original noisy static disappeared, and the image actually became a bit clearer (though it was still a bit laggy).
On the other side of the screen, the Abyssal Lord's massive face, covered in tentacles, appeared once more. He looked very irritable, clearly still frustrated by the previous "network speed" issues.
"...Zzt... Who... is... calling..."
"Lord! It's me! I am Scout No. 9527!" The Faceless One shouted into the microphone (a Sound Transmission Stone) with tears and snot flowing, its acting skills exploding. "I've succeeded! I've successfully infiltrated!"
One of the Abyssal Lord's large eyes suddenly moved closer to the screen. "...How... is... the... situation?"
The Faceless One took a deep breath, closed its eyes, and began reciting the script: "Lord! This place is practically a buffet restaurant! That so-called 'Saint' is actually just a fraud who only knows how to perform magic tricks, and I've already taken him out! The current Cultivation World is just a piece of fat with no skin! I've even opened a 'VIP Green Channel' for you!"
"...Really?" The Abyssal Lord was a bit hesitant. After all, that previous "Administrator" had given him a very dangerous feeling.
"It's true! Truer than true gold!" The Faceless One pointed to the background behind it (a pile of Top-Grade Spirit Stones and some seemingly defenseless 'corpses'—actually scarecrows dressed in dead people's clothes—that Li Mo had specially arranged). "Look! These are all the lands I've conquered for you!"
The Abyssal Lord saw those Spirit Stones, and greed triumphed over reason. "...Good!... Very good!... This seat... shall... send the vanguard army... over..."
"Don't rush!" Li Mo suddenly held up a sign with more lines on it from the side, signaling The Faceless One to continue.
The Faceless One swallowed hard and continued shouting: "Lord! Because the spatial channel has just been repaired, the data traffic is limited! I suggest you first send those with the best meat... oh no, the best Physique, like the 'Void Demonic Pigs' or 'Tentacle Monsters' to scout the way! If it's those Skeleton Monsters with bones that are too hard, they might get stuck!"
Although the Abyssal Lord thought this request was a bit strange, considering how badly it had lagged earlier, he nodded. "...Approved... boys... charge..."
...
The call ended. In the sky, that space crack suddenly turned an eerie pink. That was Li Mo's modified "one-way valve" activating.
Vroom— A massive suction force emanated from the crack, but it wasn't pulling in; it was "siphoning."
Immediately following that, the first batch of the "Abyssal Vanguard Army" arrived. It wasn't the army of demonic creatures covering the sky as one might imagine, but rather round-bodied Void Demonic Beasts that looked like wild boars but were covered in scales. They had originally intended to charge out aggressively and go on a killing spree, but as soon as they poked their heads out, they felt their feet slip.
At the exit of the teleportation Formation, Li Mo had installed a **[Conceptual Grade: Super Slide]**. Friction was zero.
"Roar? (Eh?)" Before the first Void Demonic Pig could react, it went "whoosh" down the slide, going all the way from the high altitudes of the Northern Border to... the back mountain of the Heavenly River Sword Sect.
Waiting for them there was already a massive **"Reception Pool"** covered in sealing runes.
Plop! Plop! Plop! It was like dropping dumplings into a pot. Thousands of Void Demonic Beasts accurately fell into the pool along the slide. At the bottom of the pool, Li Mo had already pasted **[Automatic Sleep Talismans]** and **[Fresh-keeping Talismans]**.
As soon as the Demonic Beasts fell in, before they could even go on a rampage, they were forced into "standby" by the power of the talismans, becoming neatly arranged ingredients.
...
Back mountain of the Scripture Pavilion.
Li Mo stood by the "Reception Pool," looking at this pool full of spoils, and wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth with satisfaction (not really).
"Void Demonic Pig, the meat is firm and rich in dark energy, suitable for braising. Abyssal Tentacle Monster, the texture is bouncy, suitable for teppanyaki. This isn't an invasion; this is clearly 'nature's gift'."
Nearby, The Faceless One had been stuffed back into the bottle, watching its fellow kin being turned into reserve food with a face full of despair. "You... you are a devil..." it muttered to itself.
"Nonsense." Li Mo fished out a Void Demonic Pig that was still blowing bubbles from the pool and thoughtfully covered it with a white cloth. "I call this 'ecological management.' Preventing the invasion of alien species is everyone's responsibility."
Just then, the Emperor of Great Zhou, Zhou Tiance, arrived with the Prime Minister upon hearing the news. They had originally heard reports of strange movements in the back mountain and thought there was an enemy attack, but as soon as they arrived, they saw this pool of strange-looking creatures.
"Saint! This is..." Zhou Tiance looked at the massive Void Demonic Pig and, sensing the terrifying energy contained within it, his expression changed. "Could this be... an Ancient Vicious Beast?"
"No." Li Mo turned around and said with a smile, "This is an Abyssal specialty called the 'Fortune Pig.' Eating it can strengthen the body and prolong life." He pointed at the Void Demonic Pig. "Boss Zhou, since your Great Zhou Dynasty is now my strategic partner, I'll give you a twenty percent discount on this first batch of 'Fortune Pigs.' Why don't you take them back to improve the soldiers' meals?"
When Zhou Tiance heard "Fortune Pig," his eyes instantly lit up. A pig bestowed by the Saint—could it be an ordinary pig? It was an auspicious sign! "I'll buy them! I want them all!" Zhou Tiance waved his hand. "Prime Minister! Put it on the tab! Tonight, the entire army... shall eat pig!"
...
In the sky above the Northern Border. The Abyssal Lord was still staring at the screen, waiting for the vanguard army's battle report. However, it was quiet over there, with no movement at all. There were neither screams of slaughter nor cheers of victory.
"...Strange..." The Abyssal Lord scratched his head (tentacles). "...Could... the... signal... have... cut... out... again?"
He didn't know that his vanguard army had already been made into braised pork, twice-cooked pork, and pork with preserved mustard greens, and served at the Great Zhou Dynasty's victory feast.
Meanwhile, Li Mo sat in the Scripture Pavilion, looking at the Spirit Stone numbers rising crazily in his ledger, and silently gave the Abyssal Lord a 'good person card' in his heart: "Thanks to the top donor for sending the rockets (pigs). Feel free to come back often."