75: Chapter 75: Malice at its Max! What did I get from the blind box?

Gu Fan's words didn't cause physical pain, but they completely stripped away everyone's dignity.

"A private fireworks show."

Those few words essentially ground everyone's faces into the dirt and spat on them.

Zhao Tiezhu's eyes instantly turned bloodshot.

As the president of the Elite Martial Arts Society, when had he ever suffered such a humiliation?

"Gu Fan! Don't you fucking get cocky!"

Zhao Tiezhu screamed until his voice cracked, losing all composure as he pointed up and cursed, "What's so great about taking one bolt of lightning? You're just a grasshopper in autumn—you won't be jumping for long! The next bolt will strike you dead! I bet five hundred points that you're finished!"

"I'll bet a thousand! Betting he turns to ash!" a lackey nearby joined in the jeering.

Emotions spread rapidly, and the crowd was quickly swept up in the momentum.

Even the neutral students, looking at Gu Fan's punchable face, felt a surge of anger: Who are you trying to fool? We all attend the same classes; why do you get to show off like this?

[Ding! Large-scale collective malice detected.]

[Malice Sources: Zhao Tiezhu (extreme resentment) and the onlookers (envy, jealousy, and hate).]

[malice points +100!]

[malice points +200!]

Driven by this wave of resentment, the progress bar in Gu Fan's mind finally triggered the sound he had been waiting for.

[Ding! Malice value has reached 100%!]

[Congratulations to the host! Successfully unlocked the 'Legendary Malice Blind Box'!]

[Open immediately?]

"Open it! Open it now!"

Gu Fan rubbed his hands together, his eyes shining. "Give me a Divine Artifact! Ideally something that can poke a hole through these damn clouds!"

Right at that moment.

The clouds in the sky finally couldn't hold back the second wave anymore.

*Rumble, rumble—*

This time, the thunder wasn't loud; it was a muffled sound, like tens of thousands of tanks rolling over the cloud layer.

The dark golden light at the center of the vortex reached its peak intensity.

Then, nine bolts.

A full nine bolts of Dark Golden Divine Lightning, each as thick as a bowl, formed an execution squad formation, blocking all of Gu Fan's escape routes from every direction.

This wasn't Undergoing Tribulation; this was an execution!

"It's over!"

Below, Xiao Fan slumped to the ground, closing his eyes in despair. "It's really over this time... President, I'll burn plenty of spirit money for you."

Watching from a distance, Zhao Tiezhu grinned wildly. "Die! Hahaha! This is what happens when you try to show off!"

But at this critical juncture.

An extremely blinding and flamboyant burst of seven-colored light exploded in front of Gu Fan with a bang.

That light was even flashier than the lightning in the sky.

[Ding! Blind box opened successfully!]

[Congratulations to the host for obtaining: Conceptual Law of Karma Item—Fully Automatic Lazy Sofa (Golden Core Exclusive · Rich Man's Gold Edition)!]

[Item Description: Tired? Don't want to move? Feeling suffocated by life (or Heavenly Tribulation)? Please, have a seat. This product is filled with Primordial Soft Clouds, upholstered in Rank 9 Void Realm Beast hide, and comes with a built-in 'Absolute Comfort' field.]

[Special Trait: Energy Conversion Massage. Any energy attacking this sofa will be converted at a 1:100 ratio into the pressure of a top-tier Thai massage. The stronger the attack, the better the massage feels.]

Gu Fan stared at the object that had appeared out of thin air, momentarily stunned.

It was a glittering golden single-seater sofa that looked so soft one could sink right into it.

It hovered in mid-air, radiating an aura of total indifference, as if saying, "Whatever happens, happens; I'm just lying here."

"...This works too."

Gu Fan's lip twitched, but his body was honest.

Facing the nine bolts of divine lightning about to crash down, he didn't run or hide, nor did he even strike a defensive pose.

He simply turned around, stuck out his rear, and sat down quite smoothly.

*Poof.*

His entire body sank into the large golden sofa.

"Ooh... this lumbar support is incredible."

Gu Fan praised sincerely.

The next second.

*Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!!!*

The nine bolts of divine lightning slammed squarely onto the sofa.

The entire rooftop was instantly swallowed by a sea of lightning.

The intense light was so blinding that no one could keep their eyes open.

"He's hit! It hit him!"

Zhao Tiezhu jumped up in excitement. "He's dead for sure this time! Not even a speck of dust left!"

Smoke filled the air.

The lightning gradually dissipated.

Everyone held their breath, staring intently at the scorched rooftop, trying to catch a glimpse of the charred corpse.

Instead.

The smoke cleared.

The entire area became as silent as a graveyard.

That golden sofa was still hovering there perfectly fine, without even a wrinkle in its leather—in fact, it looked even more polished and shiny.

Inside the sofa.

Gu Fan was wearing a sleep mask from who-knows-where, his body vibrating up and down along with the sofa's tremors.

"Mmm... a bit to the left... yes, right there..."

"Holy crap, this pressure, this penetration... so good!"

"This lightning heat compress is spot on; my old rheumatism is almost cured."

While moaning with pleasure, Gu Fan shifted into an even more comfortable lounging position, completely ignoring the onlookers whose eyes were nearly popping out of their sockets.

The moment those nine world-destroying divine bolts struck the sofa, they were converted into high-frequency vibrations and thermal energy by an incomprehensible power of rules.

To put it bluntly, the lightning that the Heavens worked so hard to strike down had all become massage therapists providing Gu Fan with a full-service treatment.

"This... this..."

Zhao Tiezhu's smile froze on his face, his mouth hanging open wide enough to fit two eggs.

He rubbed his eyes vigorously, wondering if he was hallucinating.

Undergoing Tribulation?

You call this Undergoing Tribulation?

This is a fucking hydrotherapy SPA!

"Impossible! Absolutely impossible!"

Zhao Tiezhu clutched his bald head in a breakdown. "That's divine lightning! That's heavenly might! How did it become a massage chair?!"

[Ding! Detected 'Zhao Tiezhu's' worldview collapsing.]

[malice points +500.]

The tribulation clouds in the sky seemed to be provoked as well.

As the Heavenly Dao that governed the world's punishments, it had never suffered such an insult.

It was always Cultivators who trembled like sieves before it; when had it ever seen someone lying on a sofa and being picky?

*Boom—!*

The sky full of black clouds suddenly contracted, rapidly gathering together until they twisted into a giant, a hundred zhang tall, crackling with lightning.

The giant held a massive axe made of lightning; its face was indistinct, but the aura of fire capable of incinerating the eight directions felt scalding even from kilometers away.

Humanoid Heavenly Tribulation!

This thing had only appeared in legends—it was a treatment reserved for Ascension-stage big shots!

"Roar—!"

The lightning giant let out a roar, raised the massive axe, and swung it down directly at the tiny sofa.

Space itself trembled under this axe strike.

Gu Fan pulled his sleep mask up slightly, revealing one eye. Looking at the absurdly large giant, not only was he not panicked, but he was actually somewhat dissatisfied.

He extended a finger and lazily pointed at his own shoulder.

"Hey, big guy."

"The last few presses were okay, but my shoulder is still a bit sore."

"You better put some effort into this axe swing. If you don't bring your A-game, don't even bother; I might just leave a bad review."

Having said that, he pulled the sleep mask back down, let out a yawn, and shouted toward the ground:

"Xiao Fan! Is the meat tender yet? Save a few pieces of tripe for me! Once this big guy finishes my massage, I'm coming down to eat!"