10: Chapter 10 Even if I starve to death or jump off this cliff today, I will never touch a single bite of this food.

[How bizarre; where there is anomaly, there must be mischief.]

Facing Wang Xiaoyun and her husband's "poison-testing" behavior,

the voice pack let out a cold snort.

[They are acting quite convincingly.]

[Urging this Venerable One to eat so eagerly, yet taking the initiative to eat it first for this Venerable One to see?]

[Isn't this the classic "three hundred taels of silver are not hidden here" idiom?]

[The poison must be hidden in one of the dishes. What they ate first was non-toxic, and they are trying to trick this Venerable One into eating the poisoned plate.]

[Heh, this Venerable One has already seen through everything.]

[Even if this Venerable One starves to death today, dies outside, or jumps down from here, this Venerable One will absolutely never touch a single bite of this table of food!]

Meanwhile,

Chen Fan, so hungry that his chest was practically sticking to his back, didn't even have the energy to complain about the voice pack.

Poisonous?

Poisonous or not, you can wait until I've eaten my fill for this meal.

I have been starving since morning. Even if it is truly poisonous, I must fill my stomach first before succumbing to the poison.

He ignored the drama-queen-possessed voice pack.

He plopped down onto the chair, grabbed his chopsticks, picked up a piece of sweet and sour pork ribs, and shoved it into his mouth.

The moment it entered his mouth, the sweet and sour sauce burst across his tongue. The meat was so tender that it barely needed chewing, sliding off the bone with just a gentle nibble.

Chen Fan felt as if he had been electrocuted; his eyes flew wide open, and his pupils practically glowed.

His entire expression instantly transformed into the emoticon version of (✧ω✧)—

Delicious!!!!!

Too delicious!!!!

Heavens, what kind of heavenly flavor is this!

Everything he had eaten before combined probably wasn't as delicious as this single piece of ribs!

With his cheeks bulging, Chen Fan mumbled vaguely:

"Mph—delicious! This is delicious!"

[...So be it.]

The voice pack suddenly spoke up again.

Its tone carried a hint of subtle... awkwardness as it tried to find a way out for itself.

[Everything happening today is very wrong, with strangeness seeping through everywhere.]

[This Venerable One needs to personally verify it, to see if there is truly poison in these dishes.]

[Rest assured, this Venerable One is immune to all poisons! Even if there really is poison, it cannot harm this Venerable One in the slightest!]

[Just in time to follow the trail and see what kind of tricks you guys are pulling.]

Chen Fan: "..."

What else could he say? Say nothing at all.

The law of eating one's words is late, but it always arrives.

However, he didn't have the time to argue with the voice pack right now; before the ribs in his mouth were even swallowed, his chopsticks were already eagerly reaching for the lion's head meatball.

Watching her dear son wolfing down his food, Wang Xiaoyun found it both amusing and heart-wrenching.

This child truly hadn't eaten anything good outside, getting so touched just by eating sweet and sour pork ribs.

"Eat slower, don't choke."

"How is the taste? Is it to your liking?"

"..."

With his mouth stuffed and bulging, Chen Fan gave a thumbs-up and praised unclearly:

"Yummy! So yummy! ლ( ´ ڡ ` ლ)"

"This fish, this meatball, this soup—amazing!"

"..."

Wang Xiaoyun and her husband exchanged glances, and the gratification in their eyes barely lasted for two and a half seconds.

before a certain sarcastic voice inappropriately wedged its way in.

[Delicious?]

[A mortal's taste buds are indeed pitifully barren.]

[These few worldly, mundane dishes are piled with seasonings, have crude heat control, and the ingredients have no Spiritual Qi to speak of.]

[In your eyes, they are delicacies.]

[In this Venerable One's eyes, they are merely dregs used to fill this mortal shell.]

[In this Venerable One's past life, traversing the myriad races of the starry sky, fighting primeval divine beasts, hunting the Vermilion Bird, slaying the Kunpeng, and extracting their essence blood to simmer slowly with spirit fire, accompanied by ten-thousand-year vermilion fruit.]

[How could such a taste be compared to these mere worldly meals?]

[One bite down, spiritual power floods the crown, the Divine Soul is cleansed, and taste buds and cultivation soar simultaneously.]

[As for ordinary jade nectar and fine wine? They were merely water for this Venerable One to rinse the mouth with.]

[Recalling back then at the Myriad Races Banquet, this Venerable One clinked cups with various Immortal Kings of the heavens, drinking starlight as wine and eating the essence of the sun and moon!]

[Sigh, chewing these worldly vulgar things now tastes like chewing wax.]

In the voice pack's voice, there was a hint of nostalgia.

But even more so, it was a condescending arrogance.

Chen Fan's chewing motion paused for a moment, and he silently rolled his eyes in his mind!

The level of this voice pack's posturing was truly getting more and more outrageous!

Upgrading straight from an Immortal Cave to starry sky hunting, was the next step supposed to be conquering the Universe?

Still hunting the Vermilion Bird, slaying the Kunpeng, and rinsing its mouth with jade nectar?!

The Immortal Realm on the tip of the tongue, huh?

Fine, fine, fine, you're awesome, you're awesome.

May I ask if the things you mentioned can be ordered on Meituan? Do they have discount coupons on Ele.me?

None? If not, shut up!

He was too lazy to bicker with the voice pack, continuing to sincerely output praise with his mouth:

"Mom, really, every dish is so delicious, ten thousand times more delicious than everything I've eaten before!"

"..."

Looking at her son's sincere praise, Wang Xiaoyun's heart should have felt extremely gratified.

But in her mind, she was also synchronously playing cold reviews like "piled with seasonings, crude heat control, tastes like chewing wax, crude and difficult to swallow."

She felt as if her sanity was being pulled back and forth by two completely opposing messages, hurting her brain.

Does this child actually think it is delicious or not?

On one hand, he shoveled rice desperately, praising it to high heaven.

On the other hand, in his mind, he was somehow deprecating the food as unpalatable?

But if it really wasn't delicious, why were his chopsticks moving so fast?! The plates were even wiped clean and it's still not delicious?

This was a live broadcast of hypocrisy! This was it! (ÒωÓױ)!

What acting skills! The Oscars owe you a little golden man!

Wang Xiaoyun's expression jumped back and forth between gratification and distortion.

Finally, it barely locked into a slightly twitching smile!

"Delicious is good, delicious is good."

"If it's delicious, eat more. If it's not enough, I'll have the kitchen make some more for you."

"..."

Beside them, Chen Jianguo lowered his head to shovel rice, remaining silent.

He had completely given up on trying to understand his son's mental state.

Anyway, being able to eat, being able to stay, and not running away was already a victory.

After a little while longer,

seeing her dear son eating like the autumn wind sweeping away fallen leaves, with the plates in front of him almost empty, Wang Xiaoyun thought about having the kitchen add two more dishes.

Her gaze swept around the dining room, and she subconsciously called out:

"Nanny Liu."

No one answered.

She called out once more, still no one.

A young servant nearby cautiously approached and said:

"Madam, Nanny Liu said she wasn't feeling very well and went upstairs to rest."

"..."

Wang Xiaoyun nodded, without thinking too much about it.

Nanny Liu was getting older; after being busy all afternoon tidying up the rooms, it was normal for her to be tired.

With so many years of master-servant affection, she wouldn't deny the other party even this little bit of rest time.

Just as she was about to instruct another servant to pass a word to the kitchen,

[Not feeling well? Heh.]

in his mind, a familiar cold voice rang out.

The tone was wrapped in a sarcasm of seeing through everything, and also carried a hint of subtle gloating.

[How is that old hag not feeling well?!]

[Clearly, that dark blue ragged underwear of the stupid dad was chafing her when worn.]

[She rushed upstairs to change into a new one.]

[This Venerable One just scanned with Divine Sense—]

[That old wicked servant is currently in her own room, clutching the new underwear just pilfered from the stupid dad's wardrobe.]

[Her entire old face is buried in the fabric, inhaling hard, sniffing hard, and her throat even emits a wretched "hehehe" laugh!]

(꒪ꇴ꒪(꒪ꇴ꒪ ; ) Ha??????

Wang Xiaoyun's smile froze at the corners of her mouth.

Chen Jianguo's chopsticks hung in mid-air, and the sweet and sour pork ribs he was holding dropped back into the plate with a "clack".

[After inhaling enough, she puts that underwear on her head.]

[The crotch right in the middle is just enough to cover her old face.]

[Then she opened her phone, played a song "the most dazzling ethnic style", and just like that, with a pair of men's underwear on her head, she started twisting around.]

[She's really getting into it.]

[This Venerable One has lived for eight hundred years, what filthy things has it not seen?]

[But this kind of old, ugly, and perverted thing is truly a first-time eye-opener.]

In the voice pack's voice, disgust and revulsion were almost overflowing.

[However, what does this have to do with this Venerable One?]

[Anyway, no one will believe it even if told; it was like this in the past life, and so it is in this life.]

[People who are blind in eyes and heart will only think this Venerable One is going crazy.]

[In this life, this Venerable One will definitely not meddle in other people's business again.]

[The stupid dad's ragged underwear, whoever wants to wear it on their head can wear it; anyway, this Venerable One won't wear it.]

Chen Fan was originally gnawing on his ribs.

Hearing this, he almost choked on the cartilage.

——Wait! Brother Hao, what did you just say?!

Is that matter of the old lady stealing underwear still not over?

She is dancing square dance with underwear on her head?!

"the most dazzling ethnic style"?!

In Chen Fan's mind, an image uncontrollably emerged:

Nanny Liu's wrinkle-covered face.

On her graying head, a pair of dark blue men's ragged underwear was slipped over.

Facing the mirror, striking alluring poses, and twisting around to the rhythmic beat of the demonic BGM of "the most dazzling ethnic style"...

The vast horizon is my love~~~

Flowers are blooming at the foot of the rolling green mountains~~~

What kind of rhythm is the most, most swaying~~~

What kind of singing voice is the most joyful~~~

"Puff—cough cough cough!"

"..."

Chen Fan coughed fiercely twice, almost choking to death on his own saliva.

He hurriedly lowered his head to shovel a large mouthful of rice, using his bowl to block his expression that could no longer be held back.

No, Brother Jiahao!

You've had enough!

Aren't you going to be satisfied unless you laugh me to death?!

I am eating right now! Hahaha hahaha!!!