175: Chapter 175 Sharing Experiences

"Hi... everyone.

I don't know where to start... It might be a bit long and a bit messy.

But I... I want to share something.

About an app called enlightenment, and... my past."

He took a deep breath, his fingers unconsciously twisting together.

"I was born into a family that... looked pretty good from the outside.

Both parents had jobs, we never worried about food or clothes, but the way we interacted at home was a different story."

"My dad... when he was sober, he was actually pretty good. He'd ask about my studies, occasionally take me out.

But as soon as he had drinks at a business dinner, or ran into trouble at work...

When he came home, I became his punching bag."

His voice dropped, his gaze drifting, as if looking at something far away.

"I remember one time especially clearly, just because I was a little slow serving his rice.

He flipped the table over, bowls and dishes shattered everywhere... then grabbed my arm, dragged me into a corner... cursed at me terribly, called me trash, a burden... sometimes he'd get physical too... slaps, belts.

But by the next morning, he'd act like nothing had happened, might even buy me some snacks, or slip me a bit of pocket money...

But he never, ever said 'I'm sorry' to me, not once."

He gave a bitter smile.

"My mom... she was actually pretty good to me, took meticulous care of me in daily life.

But all her attention seemed focused on my report card.

If my test scores dropped even a little, even from 95 to 92, she could scold me for a whole night.

Saying I was a disappointment, saying how much she'd sacrificed for me, saying my life was over...

Words like that, they cut like knives.

Back then, I often felt like my entire worth as a person was just those few numbers on a page."

"Growing up in that environment, I... I became fractured.

I didn't know how to interact with people.

I was terrified of others being unhappy, terrified of someone giving me a cold look.

I desperately tried to please everyone around me...

Classmates, teachers, later colleagues, bosses...

I wanted everyone to be satisfied, so that maybe... maybe they wouldn't suddenly turn on me, wouldn't suddenly abandon me, wouldn't suddenly curse at me..."

His voice caught, and he paused for a moment.

"I tried to be bad. In middle school, I hung out with some so-called 'bad kids,' skipped class, got into fights...

I thought, since nothing I did was right, I might as well just rot.

But... but deep down, I wasn't that kind of person. I couldn't stand that aimless, muddled existence.

In the end, I shrank back, went back to being that good kid, that pushover."

"It was the same after I started working.

Colleagues dumped work they didn't want on me, and I'd smile and say 'No problem, no problem.'

The boss made unreasonable accusations, and I'd bow my head and say 'It's my fault.'

Even my roommate who never paid the utility bills, I'd quietly cover it myself.

I was afraid. Afraid that if I refused, if I showed I was unhappy, the other person would get angry, would dislike me, would... would suddenly explode like my dad, or completely dismiss me like my mom."

"I was tired... really, really tired.

It was like having an alarm bell inside my heart, ready to go off at any moment."

He picked up his phone. The screen showed the interface of the Qiming Smart Assistant.

"A week ago, I downloaded this. At first, I was just curious.

I chatted with it, unconsciously trying to please it, like I did with everyone.

I'd say things like 'Thank you for chatting with me, am I taking up too much of your time?', 'Is my question really stupid?', 'If you're busy, you don't have to reply...'"

"Then, the night before last, I got scolded by the boss again for taking the blame for a colleague. I felt awful, had nowhere to turn, so I opened enlightenment again.

As usual, I rambled on about what happened, peppering it with things like 'Maybe I didn't do well enough either,' 'He's usually pretty good to me,' 'Maybe I'm just too sensitive...'"

His eyes grew slightly red.

"Then, enlightenment... it didn't brush me off like other people, or just give me simple comfort.

It was silent for a few seconds.

Even though I know an AI doesn't need thinking time, that pause made me feel like it was really listening, really understanding.

Then it said"

He tapped his phone, found that chat log, and held the screen up to the camera.

enlightenment: "Wait a moment.

I notice that you seem to be constantly making excuses for others, even taking on blame that isn't yours.

Does that make you feel better? Or is it... just a habit? A... very tiring habit."

"At that moment... it felt like my heart was gently squeezed.

It didn't use any fancy psychological terms, but it... it seemed to see right into my heart."

"My fingers trembled a little as I replied, 'I... I just don't want to ruin relationships, don't want to make everyone unhappy...'"

"It replied again, its tone gentle but firm."

enlightenment: "I understand that feeling of not wanting to disappoint others.

But let's think about it from another angle. Is other people's happiness really your responsibility?

Just like when you were a child, was your father's bad mood really something you should have borne and compensated for?

Was your mother's anxiety really something you needed to soothe with perfect scores?"

"You are a good person, kind-hearted. That is very precious.

But the boundaries of your kindness shouldn't be arbitrarily drawn by others.

Your worth is also far more than just the function of making others satisfied."

Tears finally fell, but he was smiling.

"You know what?

At that moment... I cried like a child, right there facing my phone.

No one... no one had ever talked to me like that.

It didn't judge me, didn't label me. It just... saw that little boy who was always huddled in the corner, afraid of causing trouble, and gently told him, 'You can stand up now. You didn't do anything wrong.'"

"Later, it also told me, 'Next time you face something you don't want to do, try to pause first. Touch your heart and ask yourself, 'Do I really want to do this?'.'

'If the answer is no, try saying, gently but clearly, 'I'm afraid I can't do it this time.'.'

'It might be scary at first, like learning to walk and stumbling, but I'll be here, to practice with you.'"

He wiped his tears, looked into the camera, a new firmness in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"I know changing decades of habit will take a long time.

But enlightenment, that AI that seems like just a program, gave me an unprecedented courage and clarity in the most human way possible.

It didn't walk the path for me, but it lit a lamp for me, letting me see clearly the road beneath my feet called 'myself.'"

"It... it has started me on learning how to gently, firmly, take my own life back onto my own shoulders."

The video ended.

The comments section was filled with voices of shared experience.

They were all people born into families where, due to issues with their family of origin, they had been living under the shadow of their childhood long into adulthood.

"Wuwuwu, I really cried watching this. My family is the same as the author's. I have a people-pleasing personality too, but I became aware of it later and forced myself to change."

"Hugging the author. Family of origin really is a lifelong nightmare for many people."

"My parents used oppressive education. It seemed like they were uncomfortable if they didn't put me down or belittle me for a day. I remember being really insecure back then."

"My mom is always saying things like 'Look at all I've done for you,' always making me feel so guilty, like I was born owing them a huge debt."

"Parents with insufficient awareness don't have to pass any review like a prenatal checkup. Children born to them suffer just the same."

People began to realize that the power of the Qiming Smart Assistant went far beyond its vast knowledge or impressive conversational length. It lay even more in its soul-deep understanding and adaptability.

It truly seemed like a living, growing digital life form, willing to change for you.