52: Chapter 52 The Tragic Female Insect's Nobleman 14
The pain in his shoulder caused Lu Zhan to let out an involuntary soft groan. However, it also seemed to snap him back to his senses as he looked at the seemingly crazed Military Zerg.
Involuntarily, he recalled his recent experiences, and a wave of unconscious terror rose in his heart as his emotions began to collapse slightly.
Yet, the closer he got to a breakdown, the clearer and more rational his mind became, allowing him to push through the fog and glimpse the truth.
“Mervyn would feel distressed for me; he even carefully tries to maintain my broken self, worrying for ages over the slightest disturbance. He is clearly a powerful Military Zerg, yet he often cries secretly because of me.
Just by looking at me and staying with me, I feel a constant thread of warmth surrounding my cold heart. But you, Bo Yisi, only make the chill in my heart grow deeper, like ice frozen three feet thick.
You are not innocent regarding that statement from the Empire. With your status, if you had firmly declared your protection for me, how would the Imperial Family have dared to act like that?
But I didn't blame you for that. I just felt very disappointed, feeling like a failure myself!
Even when I first saw you today, I was still wondering: since you had already cast me aside and given up on me as if I were something dirty, why did you bother to look for me?
It wasn't until I experienced that nightmare!
Only then did I realize that this was the case. The more I suffer and feel pain, the more excited and satisfied you become.
When the once high-and-mighty His Highness fell into the mire and needed your rescue, you must have been so smug in your heart. But then you felt it wasn't enough, thinking it would be better if I fell harder and more tragically.
After you've finished admiring the scene, you appear like a savior, expecting me to be moved to tears of gratitude from then on.
Bo Yisi, tell me, isn't such a game very interesting?”
Lu Zhan’s words were logical and clear, each sentence striking a painful nerve.
Bo Yisi's pitch-black eyes were terrifyingly deep and dark, faintly swirling with hostility, while hatred and pain surged back and forth across his face.
Perhaps it was because the secret, morbid satisfaction in his heart had been directly exposed by the Male Zerg before him.
Perhaps it was because, compared to Mervyn, he had lost completely in the Male Zerg's heart.
Or perhaps it was the years of obsessive longing and pain, combined with the hatred of being discarded so ruthlessly.
Bo Yisi lost control of his emotions and began to speak recklessly.
“Yes, Your Highness is truly clever; you've guessed it exactly right. That is indeed what I thought. Without experiencing some hardships, how would Your Highness know the benefits of being protected by me?
If it weren't for that despicable Military Zerg Mervyn taking advantage of the situation, how could my plan have failed?
And Your Highness mentions being cast aside—didn't you also throw me away ruthlessly eight years ago? I worked myself to the bone, desperately climbing up, wanting you to feel that I was useful so you would summon me back.
And what about Your Highness? No matter how well-behaved and obedient I was, all I received was a bone-chillingly cold Divorce Agreement.
Did Your Highness find that kind of game fun back then?”
By the end, Bo Yisi’s tone carried a deep-seated hatred. Hostility also floated within those abyss-like black eyes.
Lu Zhan looked at the Military Zerg in front of him, his crow-feather-like long eyelashes trembling slightly, his tone even carrying a hint of a gentle smile.
“So that’s what you’ve been thinking all along? Are you taking revenge on me now?”
That voice was as light as could be, possessing a feeling of being from another life, yet also like a whisper containing a desolation that made it hard to hear clearly.
Bo Yisi felt that Your Highness in front of him was suddenly a bit strange, but he didn't think too much about it.
He didn't want to hurt each other with Your Highness anymore; that would only push Your Highness further away. Your Highness would only become more indifferent and ignore him, while constantly pining for that Mervyn.
He desperately wanted his lord to soothe him as gently as before, with those star-like silver eyes gazing at him softly.
His inner darkness couldn't tolerate any other Zerg; he wanted to be Your Highness's only one, to completely erase Mervyn from Your Highness's heart.
Thus, he restrained all his emotions, his eyes overflowing with love. He walked up to the Male Zerg and, just as he had in the past, knelt obediently on one knee, took the Male Zerg's hand, and kissed the back of it.
“lord, I never thought of taking revenge on you. I will always be your Female Attendant. Bo Yisi loves you very much, from the first time we met until now; it's just that you are always like the moon in the water, so far away from me.
I was wrong before. I shouldn't have had those dark, selfish thoughts, and I certainly shouldn't have caused Your Highness secondary harm out of jealousy.
I've just been alone in the dark for too long. Your Highness, don't give up on me. I can become very good, do even better—I will definitely be better than Mervyn. Your Highness, please look at me too, okay?”
Lu Zhan quietly looked at the Military Zerg kneeling before him, the words falling on his ears as if he couldn't hear them clearly. So, what he had once sacrificed for was, to him, just a painful discarding?
His silver eyes seemed to be looking through Bo Yisi, constantly reminiscing about something.
He had admired the Bo Yisi of the past and liked the Bo Yisi of that time. When he left, he was so soft and obedient that he thought Bo Yisi also wanted to leave him.
Before Bo Yisi's accident, he was high-spirited and ambitious; he had always felt that he was the one trapping Bo Yisi.
“Bo Yisi, back then, did you want to stay with me in the manor on Planet Slater?”
Your Highness asked a question that was completely unrelated to what he had just been saying.
Leaving Planet Slater and leaving Your Highness's side was the most painful and desperate thing in Bo Yisi's life.
Because of this, uncontrollable violent emotions showed on his face. His warm fingertips rubbed back and forth against the back of the Male Zerg's hand, his eyes filled with something that could be love, desire, or perhaps hatred.
“Your Highness, those few months on Planet Slater were the happiest and most fortunate times of my life. You were very gentle and kind, but I could feel that you were always faintly pushing me away.
I was very afraid—afraid of being discarded by you—yet I could only carefully hold onto this fragile dream. But dreams always have a day when they wake up.
When I went to the Military, I thought that if I worked harder and gained more power, Your Highness would remember me. However, a Divorce Agreement woke me from my feigned sleep.
Only then did I realize that pinning hope on anyone is foolish and fruitless. Only by relying on myself and becoming strong enough to control your life will you be mine.
And... I can't always be the only one at your mercy.”
After speaking, Bo Yisi closed his eyes and retracted his complex emotions.
Lu Zhan’s silver eyes dazed for a moment, and his voice was so low it sounded like a murmur, or perhaps mockery.
“So that’s how it all was... Why didn't you tell me back then...”
Tell me that you wanted to stay by my side, that you didn't want to leave me at all, that you didn't want to leave that manor.
Bo Yisi knelt submissively, rubbing the Male Zerg's pale, slender fingers. Yet he spoke in a slightly cold tone.
“Your Highness, that would have been meaningless.”
Even if he had told the Male Zerg, what could have happened? Under the Zerg laws of that time, the status of a Military Zerg was lowly; they had no right to resist and could only passively accept whatever the Male Zerg dictated.
A layer of mist seemed to cover Lu Zhan's silver eyes, within which flickered a light that Bo Yisi could not understand.
Although Lu Zhan now knew the whole reason, he also clearly understood that he and Bo Yisi could never go back.
Too much now stood between them; the damage had been done, the massive rift was difficult to mend, and they had both changed.
He was no longer that aloof and noble His Highness, and Bo Yisi was no longer the obedient and submissive one kneeling at his feet.